why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead
this is the only kind of ace discourse i ever want to see on my dash. the only kind. ever again. good job
I JUST HAD TO CLOSE MY EYES FOR A SECOND AND LIKE……..DIGEST THIS WHA T THE HELL
You know why
clowns actually originated in egypt to entertain royalty- they wore weird masks and imitated gods. there were also clowns in ancient china, greece, and italy. it wasn’t “black face and then switched to white face” like i saw in the notes– the clown white paint was invented in 1801.
the big, red nose is associated with alcoholism/being drunk (heavy alcohol usage can lead to severe rosacea and swelling of the nose), because drunkards in ye olde times were seen as fun for the whole family. the overlined lips create an exaggerated smile). curly or big hair was seen as whimsical and fun, as was a lack of hair (if you look up ‘vintage clowns’, you’ll see their hair is puffed out to the sides or upwards. nowadays, people probably wear afros because they’re cheap, and don’t involve lots of styling.
i am passionate about clowns
They are a terrifying breed of monster, and must be eradicated from the face of the earth, but it’s relieving to know they weren’t born from a place of racial prejudice.
When you have an obnoxiously affectionate cat and you teach him to request pets politely.
Ok but real talk how did you get him to do that because I have a cat that is so aggressively affectionate that we refer to him as the slut.
I spent several weeks shaping the behaviour. I would sit in a way that wouldn’t let him jump in my lap, and I’d hold out a hand and pet him with the hand. Then I put my hand on the arm rest. Eventually Burdock stood up to follow the hand; he got pet as a reward. He quickly learned “stand up = pets”.
After a few days of that, I stopped responding to the standing so he started doing things to try to get my attention. One of those things was reaching up with a paw. If the paw was gentle, he got pets. If there was claws, I removed my arm from his reach entirely, which was the opposite thing of what he wanted. So he quickly learned to be gentle.
One day I was distracted and didn’t notice the paw, so he licked me. He got LOTS of pets for the lick and that became the full, complete behaviour.
Woke: No one understands Thor’s antique, spicy asgardian memes
This of course brings up the question of what exactly asgardian memes would be, any ideas lads?
Imma just go ahead and say the tragedy of Loki of asgard is a huge meme at this point
heimdall watches you fap
[pointing at any group of 3 anythings] the warriors three
along the same lines pointing at any green animal “loki??”
if you’re straight you can’t cross the bifrost
if an uncomfortable conversation occurs you suddenly have to go home and [yourname]sleep for a hundred years
loki’s terrible overcomplicated plans
heimdall commits treason every single day and nobody has ever even thought of trying to stop him
odin’s vault is full of things that should not be kept together/anything lost (e. g. “where’s my other sock??” “odins vault probably”)
gET HELP MY BROTHER HE’S DYING (loki flies through the air)
probably the asgardian version of yeet tbh
“Carl this bag’s too heavy wtf is in th-” “YOU’RE JUST NOT WORTHY”
“Day 2737384 without sex: I’m ready to ride a horse. But like, the way Loki did.”
Breaking something any time someone says the word “another”. Like, any context at all
“there’s got to be another w-” *glass shatters off screen* “JEREMY I SWEAR TO FUCK-”
The 5edgy4u types would absolutely joke about Loki yeeting himself off the bifrost so like
*minor inconvenience* “TO THE BIFROST!”
*test goes bad* “TO THE BIFROST!”
*has to do the dishes* “TO THE- (well you get the point)
Giving each other Absolutely Ridiculous titles. (Read: “Bronn, god of that weird itch in your ear that doesn’t go away until you stick something in it”)
*violent thunder* “lmao Mood”
#Odin’sBeardChallenge where everyone tries to grow a majestic ass beard so that eventually they can scream “MY BEARD!” instead of “Odin’s beard” and if it’s Valid someone will say it back
the best jeff goldblum photoshoots are the ones where he looks like an exasperated museum curator who just got off the phone with his husband who informed him that their beloved border collie scuffed the living room floors which they JUST varnished last weekend and ugh sorry but he really doesnt have the time for this because he’s nursing a hangover from all the cherry merlot he consumed at last night’s company mixer which he’d promise himself he’d go easy on because he had a lot of errands to run the next day but he just got so caught up with trying to impress mrs van damme and has a tendency to hide his anxiety with booze which is something he’s been trying to work through but anyway he’s already at the tailor’s and he’s gotta get back to the office in 15 so he’ll see him at home and hangs up in a bit of a rush but realized that was kinda rude so he’s thinking of an appropriate emoji to send him to soften the blow while he’s waiting for darlene to bring him his smoking jacket
Okay, I frickin’ adore the Earth Is Space Australia business, so here’s my two cents. Someone did a great post about laughter as a fear response and how freaky that would be to aliens.
There’s another thing we do when we’re about to go into battle and we’re scared out of our minds.
So Alien Steve is minding his own business as the new guy on the Starship Incandescent. It’s a mixed ship, about half human, a quarter Silesian, and the rest a grab bag of species, but he hasn’t had any major problems so far. Then the pirates show up and shoot out their FTL drives so they can’t escape, and they’re outnumbered ten to one, and he calculates their odds of survival at very low. The comm link is still active, so they can hear the pirates laughing as they get ready to tear the Incandescent open and vent them all into vacuum. At least the end will be quick.
And Human Steve starts chanting. It makes no sense. Human incantations are for birth anniversaries, or aquatic grooming rituals, or for the ancient rite of passage known as “ka-ra-oke”. This is not a time of celebration. It is a time of preparing for imminent and ugly death by gravity cannon. But every human on the bridge starts chanting, too.
The pirates aren’t laughing anymore. Human Steve wraps his fingers around the main gunnery controls, and the crew descends as one into battle.
Teradecads later, his students will beg him for the story of how the Incandescent destroyed the Tyn’x Syndicate. To this day he credits their victory to the invocation of the great Human battle god Queen.
I love and hate the fact that I knew exactly what song this was just from the way it’s written here
i love the idea of alien steve researching human mythology trying to figure out WHICH battle queen their crew has been secretly worshipping all this time. athena? oya? the morrigan? sekhmet? pele? are they all one goddess?
finally they give up and just ask human steve.
human steve grins a slow grin (which is always a bit scary) and says, “i’ll give you a hint. she’s dynamite with a laser beam.”
